[ [ T h i n k H e A t e T h e L i g h t . . . ] ]

Well, I had a good run.

Fri, 06 Apr 2007 22:51:08 GMT

And now, I guess this is goodbye.
:|

I can't keep up with posting in here you know?
May occasionally update fanfic journal - but honestly?

No-one gives a fuck about me.
xD

So, you know.

G'bye.

-Dead Journal-

SMEMMAH

Tue, 30 Jan 2007 20:33:12 GMT

New fic journal:
smemmah
Because I was getting confused otherwise.
):

So y'know.
^^
It's not friends only or whatever.

Urh. That's all I need to sayyy.

>.

Sun, 28 Jan 2007 20:09:55 GMT

Right kids.
I have written Hard R/ NC-17.
Time to run for the hills.
Yes. Really.

Title: Opposition
Author: Me.
Rating: Hard R / NC-17
Warnings: Slash, Cursing
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing: Oliver Wood/Marcus Flint
Summary: There's a right time for everything.
Word Count: 1,000 exactly. :3

Wood stands forward carefully, blue eyes regarding the Slytherin captain with feigned disinterest.
He nods slightly, acknowledging the other boy. Flint's dark eyes clear for a brief second, and he almost smiles, but twists his mouth into a sneer to make things easier. Hesitating only for a second, Flint narrows his eyes and mutters:
"Wood."

"Ol..." Marcus manages, his breath catching as Oliver's hands clench at the backs of his thighs. All Marcus can see is the dark blonde head moving rapidly back and forth, and yet he can feel the effects shuddering up and down his body. "Fuck... O-Ollie. I'm... I'm gonna..." He swallows and thrusts involuntarily, feeling the Gryffindor's warm mouth tighten into a smirk as his teeth graze that place.

Wood bows his head slightly.
"Flint."
"Now, Gentlemen. I want a good clean match." Hooch glares at the two of them, and both Wood and Flint manage a slight snarling noise.
"I will if he will." Wood snaps, pale eyes sparkling.
Behind Flint, the Slytherin team jeer, and behind Wood the Gryffindors merely stand, uncomfortable on the ground.
"Fuck you, Wood." Flint bites out.

"Oh... Ohplease... Ol - Fuck me. Ollie... Nghh..." Marcus groans, fingers going down to tangle around the threads of Oliver's dark blonde hair. Oliver responds with a mewling noise, a muffled, desperate sigh; he wants this just as badly as the Slytherin. Oliver's hands move up slowly, leaving half moon indents in Marcus' pale skin.
"Merlin... Fuck... I love you... Ollie!" Marcus spasms and manages to yell out the Gryffindor's name in a hoarse voice.

"Please. You wish, Flint." Wood laughs, sticking out his hand, as is customary.
"Yeah, like I'd wanna fuck you. I hate you." Flint snarls, grasping Wood's hand in his own. Hooch gives them a meaningful glare.
"Like I said. A good clean game." She purses her lips in distaste, and Wood almost laughs.

Oliver eases Marcus out of his mouth, wiping his face, grinning.
"Merlin, I love you... Where the hell'd you learn to do that, Ol?" Marcus murmurs, smiling, his usually ashen face now tinged with pink.
"Oh, I don't know," Oliver winks, moving his hands down to his own groin, which is in desperate need of some attention.
"Let me. C'mere," The Slytherin laughs, pinning the Scottish boy's hands down. Oliver lets out a tiny whimper, but stays resolutely still, pinned beneath the taller boy's form.

The two of them stand, almost eye to eye, scowling, not moving the hands which are supposed to be shaking.
Slowly Wood moves his hand up, then down, then releases.
Flint rubs his hand across the thigh of his trousers, as if he's just touched something vile, and Wood mirrors the gesture with an added noise of disgust.
"Bloody Gryffindors. Feels like I just stuck my hand in shit." Flint snarls to Pucey, who is stood behind him.
"Oh, I don't know. I feel like I just lost several braincells, just touching you, Flint." Wood snaps briskly, narrowing his eyes.

"Wood by name, Wood by nature, hm, Ollie?" Marcus laughs, grazing his stubble gently across the Gryffindor Captain's length.
"Ah... L-Like I've not heard that be- Fucking... Merlin..." Oliver moans, wriggling slowly, languidly beneath the other captain, his blue eyes widening.
Marcus laughs, and pushes up, pressing his lips to Oliver's firmly, feeling sweat drip off his nose onto the other boy's.
"S-sorry." He mutters, breathing heavily.
"What're you apologising for?" Oliver laughs breathily, tilting his hips up, to get Marcus' attention to the matter at hand.

"I don't have to deal with attention seekers like you," Flint shrugs his heavy set shoulders, glaring from under an angular frown.
Wood laughs, a bark of unamused noise.
"I'm afraid you do." He remarks, tilting his head to one side, blonde hair hiding his smile.
"Well, I shouldn't have to." Flint mutters.
"Don't get all Prima Donna on me, Flint." Wood remarks coolly, placing his hands on his hips.

Marcus places his hands on Oliver's hips, grinning.
"Sorr-"
"Don't. Don't say it." The Scottish boy smiles, his face strained with need. Marcus shrugs half coy, half apologetic; moving down Oliver's body, brushing his lips across tense, tanned skin. Cautiously he pokes his tongue out, trailing it along, following the curves of the other boy's hips.
"Ah... Marcus..." Oliver moans, the sound almost incoherent between pants of breath. Kissing his way up slowly, Marcus dares to use his teeth a little, delighted at how he can make the other boy's hips spasm and buck.
"C'mon Ollie, do it for me?" The Slytherin smiles, taking both his lover and his rival into his mouth.

"Urgh. I don't need to take this from you." Flint growls at the smaller boy, pulling on his leather gloves with an arrogant toss of his head. One drops to the floor with a muffled thud and Flint raises his eyebrows ever so slightly at Wood. Both captains go for the glove at once, leaning down.
"Ollie... Did I ever say how hot you are when you hate me?" Flint smiles genuinely from beneath long black hair, then shoves Wood. "Fuck off. Don't touch my stuff." The Slytherin captain turns on his heel, beckoning the rest of his team after him. Harry offers Wood a hand up.
"Leave him. He's nothing. Not worth it. Ugly tosser." He shakes his head, and Oliver smiles secretively, leading his own team away.

"So beautiful. 'Ll never get tired of sa-aah!" Oliver's interrupted as his hips slam up violently into Marcus' waiting mouth. The Slytherin never takes his eyes off Oliver's sweaty face, heaving chest until the other boy has finished. Then, slowly and tenderly he moves, wriggling up beside the Scottish boy, pulling him into strong, pale arms, feeling Oliver roll over to face him. A languid kiss.
"Don't think this means I'll go easy in our match tomorrow." Marcus murmurs to a drowsy Oliver.
"Wouldn't want you to." The Gryffindor smirks, and yet for once, Quidditch comes second to something.

-Fin.

Again, too lazy to write my Jaws thing.
Dx

Blarrr.

Sat, 20 Jan 2007 23:44:16 GMT

Title: Dead Letter
Fandom: Saving Private Ryan
Pairing: Wade/Caparzo, Upham/Reiben maybe if you squint a bit.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: The letter isn't for him, and yet, he just can't help himself.
Warning: Um, spoilers.

Upham fumbles in the dead man's jacket - he knows what he's looking for, he just wishes he didn't have to find it.
His fingertips are stained red, the crimson embedded beneath his fingernails and in the wrinkles of his knuckles, feeling thick and clogging up his skin.
"Come on, come on..." He murmurs under his breath, pawing at Wade's pockets gently, until he turns out what he's looking for, holding it carefully in shaking fingers.
"What's that y'got there?" Reiben's accent cuts into him like shards of glass, and the Jewish man is stood, hands on hips with narrowed eyes.
"Nothing. It's nothing." Upham shakes his head quickly, pocketing the square of folded paper, smudged with the blood of the medic.
"Well then let's go, huh?" Reiben shakes his head, discarding the dog-end of cigarette onto the ground where it smoulders slowly beside Wade's body, dying like the cold man it's lying next to.
"Y-yeah. Okay." Upham nods shakily, his legs quivering slightly as he takes careful, measured steps, like a newborn foal, too uncomfortable in his own skin. Reiben walks away, shaking his head, muttering something under his breath, which Upham's pretty sure is derogatory. He follows slowly, feeling the piece of paper as a weight in his pocket, dragging at his mind. He pushes it to the back of his mind and falls in line with the others.

"Look, Upham... About me an' Caparzo... It... It's complicated, y'know?" Wade smiles nervously, lacing his fingers together until the grubby knuckles go white. Upham nods dumbly.
"Yeah? W-Well, it's not my business really. I mean... You're a grown man. 'S your choice who you wanna... Y'know... Go with." Upham murmurs, blushing at how childish he sounds. Wade's gaunt face, however, lights up.
"Thanks Upham, really. Thank you," He smiles gratefully "But, um... Look, if anything happens to me... If I die in action or whatever, there's a letter. In my donkey jacket, top pocket - it's for Carparzo. Give it to him for me willya?" Wade asks, patting the corresponding pocket on his coat. Upham nods.
"Sure. But nothing's going to happen to you, Wade - you are the medic, after all." He smiles, feeling a little more at ease around this small, toughened man.
"An' don't you forget it." Wade winks.

Upham shoots awake, eyes wild, breathing heavily through his nose.
"Jesus." He breathes, wishing the memory would leave him alone. Wade's dead. Caparzo's dead.
What about the letter?
The paper's in his hand, grinning at him like a cheshire cat, white and luminous. It's not mine. He pauses, considering this. It's a dead letter - can't send it, can't return it to sender, his mind reasons slowly and logically. Unconsciously, he unfolds the paper, revealing Wade's spidery handwriting.

Caparzo,
If you're reading this, I'm probably dead.
Sorry about that.
This letter's to tell you I loved you, possibly more than anything in the world ever.
I hope you know that.
But don't mourn forever. Black doesn't suit you.

Upham smiles slightly at the comment that's exactly the sort of thing Wade would've said to Caparzo, before continuing to read carefully.

These last few months have been... Well, in regards to most things, they've been pretty fucked up.
In a bad way.
Then I met you. Adrian Caparzo - badass of the company, huh?
You aren't like that.
I know you aren't. I love you for it.
And suddenly stuff started looking up. The death and the blood and the fear were muted a little, put on hold - for us.
So.
This is in fact, goodbye.
I love you. I love you. I love you.
FUCK CATHOLICS.
I love you.

Love,
Wade.

Upham stares at the letter slowly, his hands shaking again.
"Shit." He murmurs out loud, then again. "Shit. Shit. Shit." And suddenly he's scared - so fucking scared.
He's going to die, he's going to die without anyone - in this godforsaken foreign country with a bunch of men who hate him.
"Merde." He murmurs in the second tongue, testing it out. "Merde."
"Upham. I swear to god if you don't go back to sleep, I will kill you." Reiben's slow, sleep-soaked drawl from beside him.
"Right. Right. Sorry." Upham nods shakily.
"Jesus, 'm sorry. Didn't mean to scare you man. Take your time." Reiben blinks, and Upham's stunned.
"Thankyou."
"No problem."
Maybe it's not quite so godawful anymore.
Upham smiles.

---

^^
Commentsh?

Tue, 02 Jan 2007 17:01:05 GMT

Jackanto Fic thingy.

Title: Goodbyes.
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Final Episode and They Keep Killing Suzie
Warning: Mentioned Mansex.
Pairing: Jackanto.
Summary: Jack's not good at saying goodbye.

The coffee clatters to the floor.
"What?" Ianto's voice is hoarse, disbelieving. "No, no, no... You're lying. You're bloody lying." His breathing becomes erratic and he scrubs his fingers through his short hair as if it'll somehow make everything better, the coffee draining away across the floor.
"Ianto, calm down." Gwen tries to put a hand on the Welshman's shoulder and he yanks away as if she has the plague.
"It's easy en-" His voice crumbles a little, and goes quiet, a dangerous sign; taking a deep, panicked breath he continues. "It's okay for you, isn't it Gwen? You got Rhys back. Ever- Everything's... It's all just fucking great!" His breathing hitches, his eyes blurring.
How can Jack do this to him?
Not again. Jesus, no.
"Yan, calm down, please. It'll be o-" Gwen tries again, resisting the urge to reach out and touch him.
"Don't call me Yan. Only Ja-" Ianto swallows thickly, "H-Him. Only he's allowed to."
Gwen nods slightly, standing back as Ianto's face crumples, the stoic refusal to look facts in the face diminishing into pure hysterics. "N-no. He promised. He promised he wouldn't do this to me... God... Please, pleeease..."His body seems to fold, and Tosh dashes over to him, trying to slow down the fall. He lies there, body quivering softly in Tosh's lap and she pets his hair carefully, murmuring something soothing in Japanese.
His cries go mute and all Gwen can see is his shoulders shaking fiercely.
"Um, Ianto," Owen's voice cuts in, worried as if he has no right to speak - so unlike Owen. The Welshman looks up slowly, eyes watery and breathing heavily. Owen is holding out a neatly folded square of blue material with something yellow pinned to it. "I- I think this is yours." Owen continues hesitantly giving a slight smile. Ianto nods wearily, and takes it out of the other man's hands, looking at it properly this time.
The material is heavy, old, but there's something distinctly futuristic about it. Jack's coat.
Ianto takes in a tiny, bubbly breath, and pulls off the bright yellow post-it note attatched to the jacket with shaking hands. Jack's writing, scrawled and definitely hurried:
Ianto,
Sorry I can't say goodbye properly, god, I wish I could've.
Gone to the doctors, gonna get fixed.
All I can say is sit tight, and have that stopwatch handy, we'll be needing it when I get back.
;)
Goodbye for now, J. xxx
Ianto blinks, looks at Tosh who looks back with the ghost of a grin. He returns it weakly, and for a minute everything feels like maybe it'll turn out alright.

Coatlove.

Mon, 01 Jan 2007 23:21:48 GMT

OMG.
THERE WAS SO MUCH COAT LOVE.
DDD:

With the holding and sniffing thing of Ianto's.
That made me bawl.
=[
And then he grabbed it for Jack even when Torchwood was crumbling.
=]

JackXIantoXCoat = My new OT3.

There's a lot of things you can do with a stopwatch.

Sun, 03 Dec 2006 22:55:59 GMT

OMG@TORCHWOOD.
=OOOO
JACK/IANTO STOPWATCH SEX. =]]]]]
WOW.

My favourite episode so far.

Thu, 31 Aug 2006 21:22:18 GMT

Wow.

Wed, 30 Aug 2006 14:37:02 GMT

Yay.
Went into Manchester with £25 and came back with:
-A tuna sandwich
-Diet coke
- Five badges (RATM, PiL, Sid, The Clash and Radiohead)
-A green and black checked wristband
-The filth and the fury (only £5! ^-^)
- A Metro Ticket
-A Kyle Magnet
-Pink and black checked laces for my school shoes.
-And A new bag, which I found in the army surplus store - it's pretty and camo.
x3

Well. Not particularly interesting, I know.
Also may be seeing the Buzzcocks on December 1st.
=D

Mon, 28 Aug 2006 16:50:24 GMT

Ohkai.
So, so:
Pogoing/Ska dancing, whilst trying to paint walls = Not the best idea.
Least of all on a ladder.

Also, mothers do not favour Iggy and the Stooges as good decorating music.
Funny, that.

And finally,trying to scrub paint off a cut in your hand with a nailbrush HURTS like hell.

That's about it.

School in a week.

Ohyeah.

Tue, 22 Aug 2006 08:06:38 GMT

Before I forget.
I have history homework over the summer to write an essay on a topic of WWI of your own choice.
Just to be difficult I'm doing:
"Did homosexuality exist in the trenches?"
Fwahaha.
He'll get to read all about machine guns, Kaiser Wilhelm and Ternch Warfare from everyone else, but he can't tell me off because I got honours.
-Smirk-

Perplex City

Tue, 22 Aug 2006 07:34:17 GMT

Argh.
My brain hurts so badly.
Started doing www.perplexcity.com
Involves trying to solve a load of really difficult (mostly) puzzles.
x_X

Sat, 19 Aug 2006 19:29:42 GMT

I've decided I like the words 'bloke' and 'Wanker'.
:|
That's all.

Christ alive.

Sat, 19 Aug 2006 18:38:15 GMT

Damn reality TV shows.
Alas, I have been banished to the study - I say study, I mean the room with the computer, guinea pigs and cactus in. Anyway, I've been shunned out here with only a yoghurt, some none-alcoholic (dude, it's weak, I know.) beer and my CDs whilst my mother crows over all the talentless idiots on 'The X Factor'.
Hurray.
¬_¬

Ick. xD

Wed, 16 Aug 2006 12:39:51 GMT

Oh ew.
My sunburn's peeling.
It's oddly satisfying.
:x

Tue, 15 Aug 2006 15:04:08 GMT

Female Psychiatrist: "Isn't the plumage beautiful?"
Alex: I'm supposed to say what the other person would say?
Female Psychiatrist: Yes, just tell me the first thing that comes to your mind.
Alex: Cabbages, knickers, It hasn't got A BEAK!
Female Psychiatrist: Good.

---

Watched the movie.
It was AMAZING.

Mon, 14 Aug 2006 10:39:25 GMT

Hm, back from Ecuador.
Missed reading fanfiction and diet coke.
Blah, plane food is the most disgusting thing ever.
I caught a bug from it and that made me hurl and be sad.
On the plus side, I watched finding Nemo and Dr Who on the plane- one of my favourite D.T eps too, Tooth and Claw, is it called?
Anyway, It's the one with the cool werewolf with the awesome eyes.
xD
I now own a stuffed toy Llama. His name is Rudy.
Got a postcard from Oli in Russia.
I didn't even realise they /sold/ postcards in Russia.
0_o
Shows how much I know.
Got most of my SATs results, mostly 6's and 7's although a 4 in PE (Note: I got 5's for Maths, English and Science in year /Six/ -snerk-) and an 8 in History.
I swam with sealions on holiday, 'twas cool - but a little worrying 'cuz the big 'beachmaster' kept coming right upto my face with his mouth open.
Meep.
Anyway. I've spammed enough for the moment.
I shall retire and eat ice cream and watch the history channel or something.

Sun, 23 Jul 2006 18:55:28 GMT

Argh. I'm aloney.
xX'

Fri, 21 Jul 2006 19:58:36 GMT

Yessss.
School's OVAH.
Oh yeah.
xD

Tue, 18 Jul 2006 15:35:17 GMT

Haiku² for kai_the_great
oggle certainly not anyone of er or anything ew no
@

Created by Grahame

Thu, 13 Jul 2006 16:20:51 GMT

Oh my god!
There's a South Park episode based on Akira!
xD
Cartman's Tetsuo.
Whoo. Man, my two favourite things combined.
:P

Stolen from Tallulah

Wed, 12 Jul 2006 15:14:26 GMT

(Click here to post your own answers for this meme.)

✓ I miss somebody right now.	✓ I don't watch much TV these days.	✓ I own lots of books.
× I wear glasses or contact lenses.	✓ I love to play video games.	× I've tried marijuana.
× I've watched porn movies.	× I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.	× I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
✓ I curse sometimes. (sometimes?? LOTS.)	✓ I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.	× I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.

* * * * *

× I have broken someone's bones.	✓ I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.	× I hate the rain.
✓ I'm paranoid at times.	× I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.	✓ I need/want money right now.
✓ I love sushi. (Dammit. I want sushi now. D:)	✓ I talk really, really fast. (When I'm nervous anyway.)	× I have fresh breath in the morning.
× I have long hair.	× I have lost money in Las Vegas.	✓ I have at least one sibling.
✓ I was born in a country outside of the U.S.	× I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.	× I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
× I like the way that I look.	✓ I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months.	✓ I am usually pessimistic.
✓ I have a lot of mood swings.	✓ I think prostitution should be legalized. ((kidding xD))	× I slept with a roommate.
× I have a hidden talent.	× I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.	× I have a lot of friends.
× I have pecked someone of the same sex.	× I enjoy talking on the phone.	× I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
✓ I love to shop and/or window shop.	× I'm obsessed with my Xanga or Livejournal.	✓ I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
× I have a mobile phone.	× I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.	✓ I've rejected someone before.
✓ I currently like/love someone.	× I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.	× I want to have children in the future.
✓ I have changed a diaper before.	× I've called the cops on a friend before.	× I'm not allergic to anything.
✓ I have a lot to learn.	× I am shy around the opposite sex.	× I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.
✓ I have at least 5 away messages saved.	✓ I have tried alcohol or drugs before.	× I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
✓ I own the "South Park" movie. (YESSSS. Haha! I didn't see this question on Tallulah's - I ADORE that movie. xD)	✓ I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on Xanga or Livejournal.	× I enjoy some country music.
✓ I would die for my best friends.	× I'm obsessive, and often a perfectionist.	× I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
✓ I think Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.	× I have dated a close friend's ex.	✓ I am happy at this moment. (S'pose.)
× I'm obsessed with guys.	× Democrat.	× Republican.
✓ I don't even know what I am.	✓ I am punk rockish.	✓ I go for older guys/girls, not younger.
× I study for tests most of the time.	✓ I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.	× I can work on a car.
× I love my job(s).	× I am comfortable with who I am right now.	× I have more than just my ears pierced.
× I walk barefoot wherever I can.	✓ I have jumped off a bridge.	✓ I love sea turtles.
× I spend ridiculous amounts of money on makeup.	× I plan on achieving a major goal/dream.	× I am proficient on a musical instrument.
× I hate office jobs.	× I went to college out of state.	× I am adopted.
× I am a pyro.	✓ I have thrown up from crying too much. (When I was littlr)	× I have been intentionally hurt by people that I loved.
× I fall for the worst people.	× I adore bright colours.	× I usually like covers better than originals.
✓ I hate chain theme restaurants like Applebees and TGIFridays.	× I can pick up things with my toes.	× I can't whistle.
× I have ridden/owned a horse.	× I still have every journal I've ever written in.	✓ I talk in my sleep.
✓ I've often thought that I was born in the wrong century.	× I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.	× I wear a toe ring.
× I have a tattoo.	× I can't stand at LEAST one person that I work with.	✓ I am a caffeine junkie.
× I am completely tree-huggy spiritual, and I'm not ashamed at all.	✓ If I knew I would get away with it, I would commit at least one murder.	× I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.
× I enjoy a nice glass of wine with dinner.	✓ I'm an artist. (Or I like to think so.)	× I am ambidextrous.
× I sleep with so many stuffed animals, I can hardly fit on my bed.	× If it weren't for having to see other people naked, I'd live in a nudist colony.	× I have terrible teeth.
× I hate my toes.	× I did this meme even though I wasn't tagged by the person who took it before me.	× I have more friends on the internet than in real life.
× I have lived in either three different states or countries.	× I am extremely flexible.	✓ I love hugs more than kisses.
× I want to own my own business.	× I smoke.	✓ I spend way too much time on the computer than on anything else.
✓ Nobody has ever said I'm normal.	× Sad movies, games, and the like can cause a trickle of tears every now and then.	× I am proficient in the use of many types of firearms and combat weapons.
× I like the way women look in stylized men's suits.	✓ I don't like it when people are unpleased or seem unpleased with me.	× I have been described as a dreamer or likely to have my head up in the clouds.
× I have played strip poker with someone else before.	× I have had emotional problems for which I have sought professional help.	× I believe in ghosts and the paranormal.
× I can't stand being alone.	✓ I have at least one obsession at any given time.	× I weigh myself, pee/poo, and then weigh myself again.
✓ I consistently spend way too much money on obsessions-of-the-moment.	✓ I'm a judgmental asshole.	× I'm a HUGE drama-queen.
× I have travelled on more than one continent.	× I sometimes wish my father would just disappear. (My mum perhaps.)	✓ I need people to tell me I'm good at something in order to feel that I am.
× I am a Libertarian.	× I can speak more than one language.	✓ I can fall asleep even if the whole room is as noisy as it can be.
✓ I would rather read than watch TV.	× I like reading fact more than fiction.	✓ I have pulled an all-nighter on an assignment I was given a month to do.
✓ I have no piercings.	✓ I have spent the night in a train station or other public place.	× I have been so upset over my physical gender that I cried.
× I once spent Christmas completely alone because there was a miscommunication on which parent was supposed to have me that night.	× There have been times when I have wondered "Why was I born?" and may/may not have cried over it.	✓ I like most animals better than most people.
× I own a collection of retro games consoles.	✓ The thought of physical exercise makes me shiver.	✓ I have hit someone with a dead fish. (Bwahaha. Me and Ste do the weirdest things.)
× I am compulsively honest.	× I was born with a congenital birth defect that has never been repaired.	× I have danced topless in front of dozens of complete strangers.
× I have gone from wishing I was a girl to revelling in being a boy to feeling like a girl again in the span of five minutes, and not cared a whit for my actual sex.	× I am unashamedly bisexual, and have different motivations for my desires for different genders.	× I sometimes won't sleep a whole night or eat a whole day because I forget to.
× I find it impossible to get to sleep without some kind of music on.	× I dislike milk.	× I obsessively wash my hands.
✓ I always carry something significant around with me.	× Sometimes I'd rather wear a wig in day-to-day life than use my own hair.	× I've pushed myself to become more self-aware and thereby more aware of others.
× Even though I live on my own I still cry sometimes because I miss my mother.	× I hand wrote all the HTML tags in this document.	× I've liked something which a majority of people claimed was either bad or weird.
× I have been clinically dead for a brief period of time.	✓ Instead of feeling sympathy/empathy with people and their problems, I simply become annoyed.	× I participate/have participated in auto drag races and won.
× I do not 'get' most comedy acts.	× I don't think strippers are money-greedy or slutty for dancing.	× I don't like to chew gum.
✓ I am obsessed with history/historical things and can't wait for someone to build a time machine so I can be the first to use it.	× I can never remember for the life of me where I parked the car.	× I had the TEEN ANGST thing going for at least 2-3 years.
× I wish people would be more empathic and honest with each other.	× I play Dungeons and Dragons weekly.	× I love to sing.
× I want to live in my mother's basement when I grow up.	× I have a custom-built computer.	✓ I want to create a certain someone's babies, even though there's a 0% possiblity of ever achieving it.
× I would be in a relationship with one of my pets if they were human.	× I've gone skinny-dipping.	× I've performed in three plays.
✓ I enjoy burritos. (Yay, having them for tea!)	× I'm Irish and loving it.	✓ I have a thing for redheads. (Kyle. XD)
× I am a twin!	× Most of the times, I'd rather do something intellectual instead of doing something generically 'fun'.	× Once I set out to finish something, I always stay at it until it is completed before I move on to something else.
× I wish there were a way to erase past mistakes.	× I sleep more than 12 hours a day.	× I wish I could be prouder of what I've accomplished, but it's never enough.
× I need more time to myself.	✓ I wish I was more open-minded.	× I hope that I go really prematurely grey.
✓ I download songs from the internet.	× I've just reenacted chapter 58 of Death Note with my best friend.	× I say random things to freak people out.
× I'm still a little mad about the ending of Death Note.	× I love playing Truth or Dare.	× I love listening to slow music, but I hate singing to it.
✓ Music helps me remember that I am not alone.	× Playing my favorite sport makes me temporarily forget my problems.	✓ I think this survey is particularly long.
✓ I prefer my LJ friends to my real-life ones.	× I can only hate someone that I love.	× I've ordered an extra two shots of espresso to an Americano at Starbucks.

Slashy Boredom Post

Sun, 09 Jul 2006 19:15:59 GMT

Meh. Good evening y’all.
I’m rather sleepy as I post this, but y’know, I was in a happy, slashwhore-ey mood.
Firstly, Oli and I went with Louise and her boyfriend Ollie to see the new Pirates Of The Caribbean film. Was pretty good. I officially love Norrington – He is my sex. ;3

What else?
Got Black Books ‘cause It had Tamsin Greig in it and was on sale – only watched an episode so far. Two weeks left of school, then I’m off to Peru with my parents and Grandma.
Should be fun.
But no internet!
-Clutches Face-

Oh yeah, got some SATs results -
Maths: Level 7 – huzzah.
Science: Level 7 – also huzzah.
If I get three sevens then I get wireless internet on my laptop.
-crosses fingers-

Reading Lord Of The Flies. Depressingness.
3’:

On the bad side, I have to have councilling with Mrs Foxley about the cuts on my arms.
No emo jokes or I’ll make you eat your own shoes.
;3
But anyway – hopefully she’ll help me stop cutting myself, eh?

At my granddads.
Watched Doctor Who.
WAAH.
Angsty Doctor, and no more Rose.
D’:
But that bride looks scary!

And now for your enjoyment, I have….
-Drumroll-
A slashy FMJ fic.
:0

Title: Touch
Author: Shakespeare! But seriously, Meh.
Rating: R
Pairing: JokerXRafterman
Words: 720
Summary: Erm… Kinda a whole PWP thing going for it. ^_^;;
Warnings: Swearing, Boy on Boy near sex, wanking.

Joker looks over at Rafter man eyes blazing with curiosity he really wishes weren't there. The Lance-Corporal is jerking off, quite at home, as if Joker is blind or something. He half wonders why exactly he's watching Rafter man jerk off but somehow looking at the photographer moaning and stroking himself is mesmerizing, with his dick hanging out of his boxer shorts.
"Enjoying the show, sir?" Rafter man smirks. Joker looks up, beetroot red. Rumbled. "Or are you just annoyed 'cause I'm not picturing sexual innuendo with you?" Rafter man's still rock hard, but puts the thought aside in order to mock Joker.
"Fuck off Rafter." Joker growls, too fast. The photographer wiggles his eyebrows coyly, then continues his activity.
"Oh Joker!" He screams, it's far too real for Joker, who can feel his dick twitch, mocking his lack of self-control. "Fuck me harder!" Rafter man's grinning and rocking back and forth, feeling himself. Joker crosses his legs and tries to think of... Baseball... Guns... TV... Gooks... Anything but Lance-Corporal "Rafter man" Compton screaming his name and touching himself.
Wait.
A thought hits Joker. Does this mean he's gay?
He's being turned on by Rafter man far more than he's ever been turned on by any woman.
He's far too aware of the bulge in his pants, and he places his helmet into his lap, in an effort to disguise his painfully obvious erection. Rafter man cracks open one of those blue eyes that make Joker melt like a fucking woman.
"C'mere." The photographer's voice is hoarse, but there's a grin on his face. Joker shakes his head, not trusting himself to speak.
Rafter man stands up slowly, but then in one quick movement he yanks the helmet away, revealing the source of Joker's discomfort in all its swollen glory.
Joker blanches, unsure of what to do, until Rafter man crawls onto his cot, straddling his hips, draping his long legs either side of the journalist's pelvis with some difficulty. Their hips grind together, making Joker arch upwards, crashing their erections together. Rafter man smiles, leaning forwards until their noses are almost touching then whispers:
"It wasn't an act." He smirks, looking dominant and triumphant, quite unlike the Rafter man he knows. Joker can't say anything, he doesn't need to.
Rafter man's fingers are fumbling with Joker's fly fearlessly, tugging the combat trousers down and then tossing them to one side where they lie, forlorn and forgotten.
Everything about this situation screams 'wrong' to Joker, but he's to far gone to come back, to pull himself out of this spiral down into Rafter man's indigo eyes.
Leaning up he kisses the photographer clumsily, catching the younger man on the corner of his mouth.
"I don't think we're supposed to... y'know... Fuck..." He grunts, easing off Rafter man's boxer shorts, then guiding him atop his hips more easily. Rafter man shrugs.
"Fine..." He murmurs in between kisses, his tongue finding its way deeper into Joker's mouth. Half heartedly Joker wonders where Rafter man learnt this, then decides he'd rather not know, instead pulling Rafter man down by his dog tags, getting their bodies as close as possible, allowing the heat to radiate between their sweaty skin.
"Rafter?" Joker manages to wheeze out.
"Mmhm?" Rafter man asks languidly, his wiry body curving around Joker's comfortingly.
"You're gay?" He shrugs. Rafter man grins, making his eyes glow.
"So are you then… Sir." He smirks, kissing Joker again lazily, his accomplished tongue running over Joker's teeth and lips, coaxing entrance.
"And don't you forget it." Joker grins ferally and pushes Rafter man backwards, so that now he is straddling the photographer, and Rafter man lies below him, at his mercy and obviously not caring even a little. Joker trails kisses down Rafter man's jaw and cheekbones, downwards into the hollow behind his ear, soft hair smelling of mud and negatives. Slowly he moves along Rafter man's collarbone, watching with glee as the younger man wriggles beneath him, thrusting upwards and writhing wildly, his body sweat sheened and gleaming. "You're so sexy when you're naked." Joker muses, continuing to bite across Rafter man's chest.
"The private says thank you sir." Rafter man whines, trying to look down, but settling for just burying his nose in Joker's matted hair, smiling uncontrollably into it.

An angsty slashy Darren Shan ficlet.
(Demonata)

Title: Memories
Author: La Kai.
Rating: 15 + ‘Cause I’m a complete hypocrite :P And write things I’m not actually allowed to read. Haha. I love irony.
Pairing: DervishXKernel
Words: 550
Summary: Dervish Grady remembers something from a long time ago.
Warnings: Boylove! :3
Note: Set some time between the end of Demon Thief and Slawter – but no spoilers. (:

Kernel reaches out and runs his hand down Dervish's arm, his fingers gentle and tentative, Dervish looks at him, an odd smile on his face and he leans forward, his forehead touching Kernel's gently. One of Kernel's hands moves up to tangle in Dervish's purple spikes, his fingers teasing the strands carefully. Dervish smiles and wraps his arms around the younger boy's hips, rolling his own up into Kernel's groin. The smaller boy moans softly, his breath warm on Dervish's face, and leans forwards, catching Dervish's lips in a quiet kiss. Dervish chuckles and bites on the other boy's lip gently, pulling him closer. The elder boy's hands are wandering, one up beneath Kernel's t-shirt to the warm, feverish skin stretched across the taut muscle of his torso. The other hand wriggles between Kernel's legs, grasping gently, rubbing against the stiff flesh.
"Hm... Mm-Dervish!" He manages to moan into Dervish's kiss, his tongue tracing across the elder boy's teeth. "Wh't about Ber-Br..." He tries to finish the sentence coherently, but Dervish is tugging his t-shirt off insistently. Kernel pushes Dervish's leather jacket off, revealing the pale, scarred torso with its wiry muscles.
"Don' care. He c'n sod off." Dervish mutters, pulling at Kernel's jeans "Love you..."
One of Dervish's hands scrabbles on the floor for the item he needs, his hands closing around it.
"Say cheese." He smirks languidly.
"Love you." Kernel laughs instead as the flash goes off.

---

Dervish shoots awake, breathing heavily, sweat pouring down his face. Memories keep flooding back like water and he can hear Grubbs rapping urgently on the door.
"Derv? Dervish?!" His voice is urgent and panicked, "Did you have another nightmare?! Derv, c'mon!"
Dervish wobbles to his feet, unlocking the door. Grubbs is stood in the doorway, his ginger hair sticking up in scruffy clumps looking petrified.
"No, no I'm okay, it's fine." Dervish mumbles, ruffling his hair. Grubbs looks down with an awkward grin.
"Um... Derv. That's some heat you're packing." Dervish looks down and all the fear vanishes to be replaced by pure embarrassment as he smiles somewhat nervously.
"Yes. Well... I... Good night Grubbs." Red faced Dervish shuffles back into the room, and slamming the door behind him. Checking the door is locked Dervish begins to fumble with a loose floorboard urgently, pulling it up to reveal a small cubbyhole, he feels around for a few seconds, then pulls out a small metal box. Opening it gingerly Dervish spreads the contents across the floor. One orange marble, a few chess pieces, a purple spike of hair, and a number of photographs. Carefully he lifts the photographs, one of Cal on holiday, of Shark, grinning, of the old family home, some cousins... Then he finds it. The picture of him and Kernel. In the picture they are both topless, kneeling in front of one another, one of Dervish's hands is holding the camera steady and the other is curled around Kernel's waist. Kernel's own hands are tangled in Dervish's purple spikes tightly. The boys are kissing fiercely, you can see their tongues tangling in the sliver of a gap between their mouths, both have their eyes shut and both are sporting erections.
Dervish feels a lump rise in his throat, remembering.
He doesn't want to remember.

And Finally…
Another Demonata fanfic – this time set in the middle of Demon Thief in the maze.

Title: Cleansing
Author: Meeeh.
Rating: I dunno. Not quite R, I s’pose.
Pairing: DervishXKernel
Words: 550
Summary: Demon hunting is no clean feat.
Warnings: Boylove! That means le sex between mans. :0

"Dervish?"
"Yeah?" we are sat on the hard ground side by side, Dervish has found a stream, he guesses it's so Lord Loss can keep us alive in order to mess us around.
"What're you doing?" I ask him. He looks at me scathingly, one eyebrow quirked.
"I'm getting undressed, why?" He snaps, wiggling out of his jeans adorned with safteypins and rips.
"Well... Um... Lord Loss or Beranabus or Sharmila or anyone could be watching!" I tell him nervously.
"Well then. I'll have to give them a good show." He shrugs, pulling off his boxer shorts and folding them neatly. I blink, unsure where to look, Dervish is wandering around buck naked save for his scarf, quite happy. "C'mon Kernel, you're covered in bits of demon, you need a wash!" He points mock-seriously at the river. I shake my head and allow Dervish a thin smile, he isn't deterred one bit and wanders over, yanking me up by a hand.
"I'm not getting undressed!" I tell him awkwardly. Dervish rolls his eyes exasperatedly, yet grinning.
"Prima Donna!" He chuckles, pulling my t-shirt off over my head. I squirm, but he's already pulling off my jeans with remarkably deft hands.
"Derv - that's enough!" I tell him firmly, but Dervish will stop at nothing and tugs off my own boxer shorts as well. "Dervish!" I protest.
"Kernel!" He mimics "Jesus, it's only a willy. I've got one." He cups his own to make some sort of point. I can feel pink creeping up my face as I follow Dervish resignedly into the water. "It's warm!" He declares delightedly, pouring it over his head and torso. Something very unpleasant seems to happen to my nether regions as I watch the punk rinse off his wiry body. I've been in this damn maze way too long.
Dervish stops, moisture pouring off his head in little rivets, he looks at me curiously and then wades over, head tilted, mouth ever so slightly open. Before I know it he's stood in front of me, nervous, yet excited.
Slowly he pulls me in closer, his purple spikes of hair plastered down, framing his angular face.
"C'mere." His voice is hoarse and his eyes are very dark. Dervish leans down ever so slightly, his head slightly tilted and then his teeth clamp gently around my lower lip, pulling me closer into him. I squeak, partly in suprise, partly in amazement. Gently Dervish pulls upwards, brushing our lips together in a ghost of a kiss. "Kernel?" He asks throatily. I nod dumbly, my tongue thick in my mouth and my heart thumping in my head. Dervish points upwards, I follow the pale finger, looking up directly above us. One huge red and black eye stares down unblinkingly, studying us almost curiously. I stare directly into the huge, planet-sized pupil with mild interest, before looking back at Dervish and grinning languidly, I kiss him clumsily on the side of his mouth, Dervish laughs, wiggling his eyebrows. "Oh Kernel, you are evil." He smirks, kissing back, his tongue pressing at my lips, demanding entry. I allow it, and his tongue is sliding against my own in hard, fast strokes. My hands, shaking, curl over Dervish's shoulders, pulling him into me, his shoulder blades slick and wet from the warm water still dripping from his limp, violet spikes. His own hands fasten tightly around my hips, rocking his groin, which is slightly higher than mine, into my stomach.
"Derv?" I mumble - he stops dead. Watching me nervously.
"Did I go to far? Dammit! When should I have stopped?!" He asks angrily, clutching his hair exasperatedly, "Sorry! I mean -"
"I was just going to say, don't you think Lord Loss is a bit of a pervert, I mean watching two adolescent males get off with one another, that's pretty sick, don't you think?" I smile slyly through my lashes. Dervish laughs, breathing out, relieved.
"Thank god!" He smirks, latching onto me again, the water rippling like silk around his hips. "Thought you were gonna shout rape or somethin'..." He laughs. I chuckle back at him, easing my nose into the crook of his neck, inhaling the unusually familiar scent of leather, cigarettes and some kind of cheap aftershave, faint but evidently there. I smile as Dervish's bare arms wrap around my torso, his chin resting on top of my bald head making strange comforting noises. At first I'm confused, wondering who Dervish is trying to comfort, then I realise his shoulders are shaking with gentle, hiccupping sobs, and I understand he's trying to reassure himself. Dervish is only a few years older than me, he's had to cope with a lot, trying to keep a stiff upper lip in the face of everything has finally got the better of him.
"Don't cry Dervish, that's what he wants, c'mon, we'll survive this, get through it, love you, don't cry. Love you. Love you. Don't give him the satisfaction, c'mon. It's okay - yeah? Love you." I croon into his ear softly, wondering if Lord Loss can hear. I decide I don't care. Dervish takes a deep breath, wipes his eyes, gives a final sniffle, then looks at me and smiles carefully.
"Thanks." He nods, composing himself. I grin.
"Enough with the mushy stuff, let's go find Shark, yeah?" Dervish smiles, then nods enthusiastically.
"You do mean we go in the nude don't you?" He asks lecherously. I punch his shoulder lightly.
"Maybe some other time." I laugh.

Any feedback welcomed. All these have no beta – Because none of my friends even know what slash means. n_n;;

Wed, 28 Jun 2006 21:23:25 GMT

Owies.
I cut my lip.
):

Um... Anything else of interest?
Not particularly.

Things with Oli going well.
< 3

YAAAAYY!!!

Mon, 26 Jun 2006 20:49:39 GMT

Oli asked me out!
YAY!
I'm so happppppy!
< 3